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Jul. 29th, 2011


Wanna see something gross?

So, as you may have heard, I've got a hole in my stomach. It's healing, and according to the doctors and the nurse, it's healing fast and well. It's still open, and I'm still exhausted, but it IS getting better. I'm off the Wound Vac this week, and found out yesterday that's a forever thing (originally, they took me off of it because my skin OFFICIALLY freaked out because of the constant plastic covering and needed some time off). I've found a new and better doctor, a plastic surgeon that specializes in wounds in general and Wound Vac treatment in particular, and I finally feel like someone is in control.

All of that said, the healing process has been long and hard, and is still going on. I actually just realized that I haven't updated this since a few days after I got out of the hospital, and so you don't know that I've been back at work since my first week home, and been hooked up to the Wound Vac for the better part of the past month 24-7. A Wound Vac is a machine that creates a vacuum seal over a wound by putting a sponge in the wound itself and covers the whole thing with plastic, and then attaches a vacuum pump to the whole thing (this does a decent job of showing the thing at work - watch around the :40 mark to watch the vacuum kick in - it's pretty wacky). The machine itself (which I named Lizzy, after Lady Elizabeth Bathory) fits in a little pack that I carry with me all of the time, makes occasional slurping noises in public that are incredibly embarrassing, and has meant that I've been tethered to a small box all of the time for awhile now. Being free of it this week is AWESOME.

However, most people that I deal with daily work under the assumption (a somewhat understandable one) that since I've been out of the hospital for about a month now, I should be "better" and "fine" - which is not at all the case. During this whole time, I've been struggling with doing a tremendous amount of healing, which has been taking a TON out of me, and while I'm no longer hospitalized, I've been very much handicapped. I went back to work right away, because, like, I had to and stuff, but I wasn't at all ready to, and I've been paying for that. Further, as I say, the trauma was and has been still going on (which has been healing the VERY big hole, rather than surviving the infection and the surgery), and as such I've been exhausted pretty much all of the time. The only way I can ever seem to get anyone to understand the full magnitude of what I've been dealing with is to show them pictures of what's been happening, as just talking about just doesn't seem to do the trick. For some reason, this validates me and my struggle enormously, and as such, I'm going to do the same here, although I totally and completely understand if you don't want to click on the link below.

Now, I warn you, the photos below are really, really graphic. I mean, REALLY graphic. The first 5 show what the wound looked like when I first came home from the hospital, when I was doing my own wound care, before the vac, and when I had to pack it with gauze MYSELF. It is totally and utterly gross. The last photo is to show how kinda cool the human body is, as it shows what it looked like about 10 days ago, so you can see how much healing has happened in less than a month. It is even more healed now, but I don't have pictures of it at the moment.

Wicked NSFW, but not in a sexy way.

I know this is the very definition of TMI, but, as I say, showing the pictures has been the only way I feel my struggle over the past 6 weeks has any resonance with anyone else. And, because I'm weak, I need it to have resonance - this has been a hard row to hoe on my own.

Jun. 23rd, 2011


How I Ended Up in the Hospital For Eight Fun Filled Days

Cut for many gross medical details.Collapse )

Mar. 23rd, 2011


How "Crazy" do "Crazy Cat Ladies" have to be before no one talks to them anymore?

So here's the thing. In my post-Bar Exam life, I find myself without a directive. I mean, work is insane and I'm still drowning in stupid shit, but the one good thing about the Bar was that I at least had an outward goal that I could work toward, which galvanized me to keep working when it all felt too overwhelming. Now, it's all just a sea of sameness - work upon work without end, and I find the need to create a new goal to work towards to find something to make me feel like I'm moving forward instead of in circles. I've got a lot of ideas about what that might be, and I kinda think that I'd like to set a series of smaller, more achievable and less serious goals instead of one overriding and overwhelming goal in an attempt to make myself have a slightly more reasonable life. I've got a list of these that I'm ruminating on (getting back into running, deciding to volunteer somewhere in the city, maybe writing more), but tonight a silly but also engaging goal occurred to me that might be just the ticket to keep me moving forward through my bad days. The goal? To get the cats on the internet. Cuteoverload, icanhasacheezeburger, kittenwar (if that even still exists) - I believe that my cats, with all of their personality, deserve some degree of internet fame. Now, that's the part of the "goal" that's a bit less predicable - but if I were to work on getting photos or videos of them once a day, I bet I'd get something internet-worthy, even if it doesn't actually get the attention I believe it would deserve. A project, if you will - a daily documentation of the ridiculousness of the feline members of my household. Of course, as I write this, I am well aware of all of the baggage and foolishness and pathetic-ness that is behind such a project, but I also think it might be good for me -- it's a happy thing for me to focus on, and god knows, I focus on many, many, many other less interesting (to me) and more productive (to society) things in my daily life. That said, I do wonder if this does finally push me over the line to incurably crazy cat lady-dom. And thus - a poll. Your thoughts are welcome, please be honest.

Poll #1721785 Crazy Cat Lady Barometer Poll

Independent of other, worthier "goals" that may be employed, is this the most ridiculous goal you've ever heard?

Yes, but you should do it anyway.
Well, a little, but we love you no matter what crazy you come up with.
No, but I want nothing to do with it.
No, and I want to help!

If I were to set up a filter to monitor my daily activities, would you want in on it?

Hells, yeah!
Oh my god, no.
Well, okay, but don't expect me to comment or anything.

Jul. 14th, 2010


(no subject)

Okay. So I may be going thru an unbridled hell of antidepressant withdrawal, have been having a horrible week of work, and am generally miserable ...

...but even I am enjoying the living crap out of the Old Spice tweet posts on youtube. Seriously. If this guy can break thru even this malaise I think he might magic.

Jan. 21st, 2010


(no subject)

And, on top of everything else, one of my ATM card numbers was stolen today and someone spent a bunch of my money at a BJS, of all places -- and while my bank was VERY quick to turn my card off (they had done it before I had even called), they are NOT being as helpful about getting my money back. AFTER they decide that I didn't do anything, then they will "try" to get the money back into my account in the next 10 business days.

In the long run, it's not the worst thing in the world. Luckily, I didn't have as much in my account as they actually spent, so it could have been worse, and it wasn't my business card, which has the lion's share of my cash, and I will probably still make rent this month. But, for GOD'S SAKE, I don't have the time to deal with this, or the extra cash to float things easily ...

I have decided, however, that talking to TD about all of this was the last fucking straw - as they were SO not soothing about the whole thing. I'm going with the theory that I'm getting my money back, and then I'm cancelling every account I have with them and moving on. Fuck 'em. Anyone got a bank they like?

Dec. 2nd, 2009


(no subject)

Forget MY maudlin crap. Instead, let's look at the face of REAL discontentment - what I live with on a rainy Wednesday night, when Django's chances of going out in the backyard are less than nil. His annoyance at me knows no "wet" or "cold" or "dark" - if I'm home, I should be taking his royal Django-ness for a walk.

I give you his "Come on, Kirsten - I mean it" face...

And "No, seriously, I'm not pleased" ...

And finally "You know, if you hadn't trimmed my nails I'd totally cut you".

Now he's trying to win by sitting with his back to me a foot away, getting up every so often to make sure he's in my eyeline.

Yep. He's a treasure. Jason keeps saying that he is expecting him to become the cat from The Master and Margarita one of these days. I have to say, I know what he means.